When I broke my ankle a couple of years ago, I thought my spirit was broken too. There were many long dark nights of the soul where I questioned my very existence. I thought I had reached the end of my trail, and like so many before me, had wasted my life. I had put so much distance between myself and those that I loved, and no one could offer me any comfort. There was only one source of comfort, and that was the only thing that kept me hanging on. My animals loved me and depended on me and I just could not abandon them. My dog and my cat truly saved my life during those long dark days. I had rescued them both from the shelter many years prior, and now they were repaying me by rescuing me from my despair. Dog spelled backwards spells God. Cat spelled backwards spells Tac. I don’t know about the Tac part, but I can sure see the significance of God. Tac lay on top of me every night and purred; God followed me everywhere I went. God licked the horrible wound on my ankle and healed it whole.
My spirit did not break as I thought it had. What had actually been broken was my arrogance. You would not think that a woman could be such a “puff-chest”, but I sure was. Arrogance, at least in my case, was like this big wall that I could hide my fear and insecurity behind. Once my arrogance was broken, all that was left was my fear and insecurity cowering behind it. When I had to face that, I wanted to die…I truly, truly wanted to die. But God and Tac were not one bit fazed by what was behind my wall. They loved me and needed me anyway, and I held on.
I know now that the wall absolutely HAD to come down before I could go any further in life. I HAD to face my fears and insecurities if I was to ever be free and reflect the true intended nature of my spirit. The breaking of my ankle and my arrogance was the first step on a long journey back to myself. When people say that things happen for a reason – believe it. I think I knew in the very depths of my heart that I had been broken for a reason, and the only reason I could know it was because my arrogance had been so shattered that I could not hide behind it anymore.
Happily, there is still a long road ahead of me. I can see that I am nowhere near the end of my trail because the trail never ends…it only changes. Energy can never be created or destroyed…it only changes. My spirit is energy and it is part of the Great Energy. It is part of God and Tac.